“Cast me not away from Thy Presence O Lord, Take not Your Holy Spirit from me,” David pleads with God. I am so grateful… relieved even that this is not possible for us as believers. God will never cast us away and His Holy Spirit lives within us. We can rest in this truth.
My head knows this… my heart doesn’t always believe it, let alone rest there!
Sometimes I get tangled up in trying to earn God’s love, to be good enough for God to care for me.
Do you ever feel that way?
In my head, I know the verses and promises that God won’t leave me, will always love me and there is nothing I can do to change that fact, by my heart doesn’t always buy it. Hidden in my heart is a closet filled with pain, evidence that it is foolish to really believe.
Do you ever wonder if you can do something so bad that God will turn His face from you? Have you had someone who loved you reject you? Felt the sting of being dropped in a friendship, excluded from family inner circles or felt utterly rejected by a parent?
I have, and it is soul searing.
- I doubted my value – what was wrong with me and maybe I could fix it.
- I doubted my instincts – did I miss something, should I have known better and protected myself?
- I scrambled and searched for a way to not only relieve the pain and reduce the sting, but to make sure it didn’t happen again.
- I hid a bit of my heart away, no longer available to be hurt.
But our heart longs for connection; we were made to belong, and this eroded my determination to protect myself.
Distance, aloof and unconcerned or Desperate, intense and scrambling – was the roller coaster I rode – over and over again.
Can you relate?
- Do you question your value or worth?
- Do you have an evidence folder of times you’ve been wounded?
- Or one that is filled with your shortcomings, mistakes, and “flaws” that justify why we might rejected or hurt by others?
Sadly, we use this evidence and imagine that God will be like them.
He isn’t, He says so.
But knowing this and believing it are two different things…right?! Into this chaos, God whispers (and sometimes shouts) “I will never leave you, I will not forsake you, I love you with an everlasting Love, you are Mine.”
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Today I am trying to sit in these truths. Sitting here watching the snow showers, I am going to pause and replace the lies that come from my story with the Truth of what God says about me and His heart for me.
- I am not flawed, I am broken, a mess and in need, but I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
- I am not worthy of rejection, but I am worthy of love because I am His daughter. And God can meet me in the pain of rejection, Jesus knows how if feels. I may not deserve it, but I will not let it define me as I may be rejected by others, but never by God.
- I am a sinner, I make huge mistakes AND I am forgiven, redeemed and God is growing me in Christlikeness.
- I am in process and that is enough.
What lies swim in your head, glaze your heart over in fear and self protection?
What if you began to speak God’s truth about you instead It won’t fix everything, it may not bring immediate relief, but it is a start. You are in process and that is enough!
I’ve struggled to do this; it takes work to become a woman who speaks truth and say what God says about me. But it is worth the effort, as I’ve learned that Truth really does set us free… piece by piece, lie by lie, struggle by struggle… And eventually, if we let it, Truth will reframe our thoughts, redeem our stories and renew our hearts.
The best part… is we become free to Be. No longer scrambling, desperate or hiding, we get untangled and live with a sense or peace, confidence and strength. We can be other focused. We can trust God to use our stories, our wounds AND His healing to serve and bless others as we engage with our world from a strong sense of knowing who we are and whose we are.
This is my prayer for you today, friends. That in the quiet places of doubt, fear and hurt, you don’t reach for your conclusions or thoughts, but God’s instead. Let’s do this together, Okay?
Here is a little booklet filled with verses of what God says about you! These are helping me replace the lies and I hope this for you too! Some times it is still a battle, but each time I rehearse these words, each time I Speak Truth to myself, my belief grows and my heart finds rest.