Tired of Pretending
This summer, I was with my twin nieces getting pedicures and we were sitting in our chairs, feet soaking… reading magazines.. it was a very grown up date with their Aunt Suz!!
Came to a double page spread: that had pictures of women telling
“What I like about me”
Quickly they were able to say: smart, fast, kind… etc
Could you do that? Answer quickly and with confidence- 3 things you like about YOU!?
I’m aware that this is not something we do well as women: we usually focus on what I don’t like about me. We see ourselves inaccurately.
You know how when you’re walking down the street and you pass by those huge plate glass storefronts or office building that act like mirrors and you can’t get away fast enough. You have no desire to see your reflection, because it swill just start a wave of criticism and discontent about yourself?
If you are like me you avoid mirrors because we think we have to be perfect…
What if we saw mirrors a place to see the truth… a place we can see an accurate reflection of ourselves…
3 John 1:4 says: God delights in those who walk in truth;
So we have Gods word as a mirror, literal mirror and mirrors in relationships, as we see ourselves through the eyes of others…
What if we see mirrors as a symbol for seeing the truth about who we are and about our story?
Sometimes when we look in the mirror and don’t like what we see…
So…we pretend.
I am tired of pretending that I am Happy…
- I am sad , I am grieving, I am discouraged
I am tired of pretending that I am Fulfilled…
- I feel empty inside, I don’t know what the purpose of my life is, I feel bored
I am tired of pretending that I am Thankful…
- I have so many troubles in my life, it is hard to feel thankful…I am jealous, angry, worried,
I am tired of pretending that I everything is fine…
- I have financial worries, family troubles, aging parents, marriage issues, illness, relationships that aren’t going well,
I am tired of pretending that I am confident, that I know what I am doing…
- I am scared, insecure and uncertain…
I am tired of pretending,
but I am afraid that if I stop pretending…
- I will not be accepted by those around me
- I am afraid that if I stop pretending…
- I will fall apart and won’t be able to go on
- I am afraid that if I stop pretending…
- I will be so angry, sad, hurt, discouraged that no one will know how to handle me
I am tired of pretending… but if I stop pretending,…
- I will have to face the truth in my story,
- I will have to be honest about how I feel, what I am really afraid of
- and I am not sure that life will be any better…
So I keep pretending…
We all pretend: we have feelings, thoughts, experiences that we want to hide from others… and from ourselves…
When we look in the mirror, we don’t like what we see,
- so we put on a mask, a façade,
- so we pretend… and in doing so we live numb and detached
We pretend that things don’t hurt us,
- We pretend that we don’t have unmet wants and desires, in fact, we pretend we don’t have wants at all…
- We pretend that we aren’t desperate for relief from the pain we feel, or the nagging voices that taunt us
So we put on a happy face and go about our lives
- We show up,
- We do what needs to be done…
- we pretend we can handle it…
But inside we are slowly fading away… or seething with anger… or somewhere in between.
Pretending isn’t walking in truth… it does not bring delight to God and it wreaks havoc in our lives and on our souls…
Are you tired of pretending? I am! What would it be like if we took off our masks and were real with one another? WE risk rejection, judgement and pain… yes.
But we just might be surprised by kindness, understating, empathy and solidarity for our sisters who are exhausted too.
We just might get a glimpse of who we really are – beautiful and broken.
And that might be the beginning of our being able to say, here are 3 things I really like about me!
