When you decide to discuss something is almost as important as How you discuss it.
I have blown the timing of a conversation many times, and that’s part of what taught me to think about the when as much as I think about the how.
And I do think about the how… alot
How will I say this?
How will I come across as caring while I am saying hard stuff?
How will my words be received.
Well, I’ve learned that in addition to the how of a tough conversation, the when is a crucial element in it going well.
I’ve learned NOT to have a conversation when we are both tired, distracted, overwhelmed, or getting ready for bed!
Reading that list might make you wonder well when is a good time?
One tip I’ve shared with my clients when it seems there is NO good time for a tough conversation is to share that you want to have one.
Tell the other person you would like to talk about some things on your mind and ask when they would have the energy, time, and focus to have a conversation.
Remind them no one is in trouble, and your reason for having the conversation is to grow a better relationship. This sets the tone for a positive outcome as you are both working toward the same thing – greater connection, deeper understanding, and increase intimacy.
Thinking about when to have a tough conversation has really helped me in my closest relationships – with my hubs, kiddos, and close friends. While holding onto the stuff I want to talk about is hard sometimes, it has been worth it as these tough conversations go far better than if I had blurted things out the minute they occur to me.
(Yes, I have been known to blurt! But learning to hold things and practice wisdom in timing has been beneficial in all my relationships.)
Can you relate?
How do you hold things you want to discuss?
How do you stay warm and engaged when you are full of feelings but know the timing is off?