Every husband I have ever worked with- yes every single one- has expressed frustration about their wife expecting, or at the very least hoping, he could read her mind.
Marriages get all tangled up in this issue and conversation shuts down and no one is happy.
Here is what I think men might say if they weren’t worried about how we as wives might react:
We can’t read your minds, and that is probably a good thing! So please tell us your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, or concerns. That would be a great way to improve communication.
Oh… and if you could be aware of “when” you share what’s on your mind – that would be helpful too.
For example, times that aren’t the best:
- just before I leave for work or when I first come home from work
- during the big game
- right before I drift off to sleep
- when we are enjoying some love making.
At these moments, my mind is elsewhere.
I know you are probably wondering, “When exactly is a good time?”
Life is hectic, we are busy and it seems that a “good time” to talk, especially about the hard stuff, is hard to find. You are right! (see, I can admit you’re right!) -and I do want to hear what you have to say.
So, good times: hmmm
- Maybe you could let me know you want to talk about something heavy or deep and we can set a time to do so.
- What about while I am fixing the car, or doing other household stuff, because if I am fixing something, I may be less inclined to try to “fix you, us, or the situation” and can listen better.
- The beginning of the evening, so we have time to actually discuss it, before we are both even more exhausted. This would include the beginning of date night, because a tense conversation at the end of date night can kill the mood.
- Maybe you could ask me, “Is this a good time to talk?” I might just say yes! But if I say no, re-read idea #1.
Honestly, I do want to be close and connected with you, even when I don’t show it. But, I am not a mind reader and need your help in understanding and really knowing you. Thanks for being willing to work with me on this.
Loads of love,
Can you relate? How have you and your spouse been able to navigate this well? What other times are good times to talk?
Share your thoughts and let’s chat!