- Getting through our suffering with God
- Our frustrations stem from our fear
- We need to name that we are afraid (during the COVID-19 pandemic)
- It’s okay to let those close to you know that you’re struggling
- We can still be positive through our struggle
The following is a full transcript of a Facebook Live, where Susie is speaking extemporaneously – she is unscripted and unedited.
Hi friends, how are you today? It is, let’s see, Tuesday. And I was thinking of like a theme for the week. So we have marriage Monday and I thought Tuesday could be taking care of you Tuesday. I’m still working on Wednesday. Thankful Thursday at faith-filled Fridays so we can be in all this together and kind of have a rhythm to what we’re talking about. And you know, I’m going to try to get through this without getting all emotional because today is a big day for me and my really good friend Julie, she a year ago had a fall they did 62 stitches in her head and had a massive brain bleed and what they call a TBI and now she is. And so we didn’t know she was gonna live or die. We didn’t know what her cognitive abilities would be. And I just got off the phone with her.
We talk often, but she is one of my closest friends and she is doing very, very well. She has a, it’s really a miracle. That we are so thankful for God for because she has done. she’s like 97% back her old self. Hi Jen Zatelli, how are you? in these first few minutes, I’m going to go ahead and greet you, and then if you come in later, once I’m starting kind of the content I want to share, I’m going to wait till the end and we can ask questions and say hi again because my ADD gets off the charts and I really can’t stay focused on what I’m trying to share with you today. But anyways, so today as I woke up I was thinking about that. It’s also my little sister’s birthday. So shout out to Stephanie, my little sister, and just the joy of the day.
I woke up this morning early and in my prayer times recently. There’s been a lot about thankfulness and as you know, it’s Holy weekend. There’s this time that we as believers pause and really look at what Jesus went through this week for us and all that. We have to be thankful for. And so on Palm Sunday, which was Sunday, there is the big celebration of Jesus entering Jerusalem and everybody crying, Hosanna, Hosanna. Bless that as he comes to the name of the Lord. And then as the week goes on, things kind of go sideways for him. And he, again, God knew exactly what was happening when it was a tough week, a suffering week, a week of being with his disciples, knowing it was the last week of his life. On Thursday there was the last supper. Friday was his crusade, death and crucifixion, and death.
And then of course on Sunday resurrection Sunday, we celebrate his raising from the dead. But it got me thinking a lot about the suffering of God, the suffering of Jesus, the suffering that we’re struggling and suffering through right now. And that there’s nothing happening right now that God doesn’t understand. And so there’s kind of the context of my really thinking about what is it that I want my mind to be focused on, which is where we’re going all the way back to. Let’s talk about taking care of you. And one of the things I want to say to all of you, all, all of us is whatever you’re feeling is Okay. Yesterday I was with some friends on a phone call and I was really angsty about some technical stuff that I was dealing with work. And I was frustrated because I didn’t know how to do and I’m not technically oriented and you know, I don’t know a technical people if you are a technical person who loves to do back end stuff, message me because I would love to talk about possibilities for working with you.
But I was just really frustrated and my good friend said to me, Susie, I think some of your frustration is really bound up in the fact that you’re fearful. And it kind of struck me odd at one moment and then the next minute my eyes filled up with tears and I realized that I hi Michelle. Good to see you. Shasha and I realized as my eyes filled up with tears that she had struck a chord. That what I was feeling angry and angsty about really had far more to do with a fear that I’m trying to keep at bay. here it comes because I am high risk for the coronavirus and we are, again, we are doing all the things and I’m not a fearful, fearful person, anxiety and I’m not really even a cautious person in terms of my personality and wiring and I’ve had to kind of retool all that.
I’m finding myself being more cautious, being more anxious. And so one of the things I want to share with you, so I fill it up. I got kind of teary and vulnerable and I kind of was like, I think you’re right. I think I’m just afraid. And so just naming that and getting it out. I think I’ve, you know, I’ve shared this before in other videos, but when we name what’s happening inside of us, I am feeling fill in the blank, I’m feeling anxious, I’m feeling scared, I’m feeling angry, I’m feeling frustrated, I’m feeling all the fields. We’ve got to name them, we’ve got to get them out of us because otherwise they just stick inside. And I didn’t even realize how this deeper fear was driving some of my anger and angst. And you know, I had felt kind of out of sorts for a couple of days and I blamed it on, you know, technical things or on circumstances.
And it just took this moment with this really dear friend to say, I think this is attached to some feelings. And so in the midst of telling you to name your feelings, name your fears, I really want to encourage you, encourage all of us to be talking to friends, to have somebody who we can say, Hey, I’m struggling. And this particular friend of mine, we can flip back and forth. She was like, can I, can I be the one who’s having a hard time today? Can you be strong for me? And vice versa. And so my friend Karen just said to me, Hey, I am thinking that this is about more than what you think it’s about what you’re aware that it’s about. And whenever you find yourself in a disconnect of these feelings are a little loud, or like the volume, you know, we’re all struggling.
I’m, I mean, I’m adequate, reasonably upset with technology. And so that’s the, you know, if you think about a volume dial on a, on a radio or on a DVD player you know, that’s a volume of three or four. I’m legitimately frustrated. This is a hard thing and I keep bumping up against it. But when the volume of my content comes out at a seven or eight and the volume doesn’t match the level, that’s a moment for us to pause and go, huh, what’s happening inside of me that there’s a disconnect between what’s going on and the volume of my expressing it or feeling it. And so I just was really intense about stupid technology and this and that. And so this good friend said, I think there’s more going on there. And I knew immediately that that is what I would talk about today, that I would share with you the realities that we are struggling.
I’m a very positive glass half full kind of girl and I’m struggling. I’m struggling to stay positive. I’m struggling to not let things beat down on me. How about you? If you are a positive person in general and you’re struggling with this, put a thumbs up in the comments. Let me know that you’re with me in this, that you understand this. If you are not a positive or you’re more of a glass half regular or empty or middle or you’re, you know, in our family we call it being a realist. It’s not a bad thing. Glass half empty sounds so negative. But if you are more what you know, my family, my husband and my daughter would be as a realist, a practical list and you’re kind of like, you know, working to stay on the positive side of things. Give me a thumbs up and let me know that that’s who you are.
Say I’m a realist and this is hard because whatever it is that you’re feeling, that level of personality comes into play. So for me, as I’m working on trying to stay more positive, it’s more work to stay more positive. If you’re trying to stay real like a realistic person and you’re trying to share with people, Hey, here’s what we need to be aware of. It’s more work to stay even keel and stay there. The reality of what’s happening in our lives, it’s just real. There’s this real threat. It’s unknown, it’s uncertain. And in those places we need comfort. We need clarity, you know, and so to get that we have to be aware of what’s going on inside of us. So taking care of you. A couple of things I want to tell you, first name your feelings, name your feelings, get them out. And if you don’t know really what?
Like I had no idea that that was the bigger feeling underneath what was going on. I was talking with a good friend, so talk with a good friend and say Hey, you know, and I kind of was like, I’m just angsty, I’m angry, I’m frustrated. And I think there might be something going on or Susie said to talk with you about something maybe else going on. I’m just wondering, can you let me, you know, kind of Delt my box. Can you let me, you know, dump all the things going on inside of me and help me figure out what I’m actually feeling? Because once I got that out, once, you know, and I always tell this to people, you know, for women are, our tears are, I mean our feelings are connected to our tear ducts. And so whenever I’m with a group of men, I’m like, don’t freak out man.
You didn’t do anything wrong. Women’s feelings are connected to their tier Ducts. And so when you feel yourself well up or you feel yourself getting anxious, you know, take a few deep breaths. I’m really using all of my deep breathing. I’m starting to do yoga and again, and really trying to stay centered and grounded. Plant your feet on the floor, sit up straight. Tell yourself I am a grown-ass woman and I can handle this if I’m honest about what’s going on inside of me. Because what we don’t want to do is white knuckle handle it where we just, you know, tough it up and go. I’m just going to get through this because when we got our way through this, there’s, you know, a mess in our week that’s not good for our relationships. You know, I was as I said, the weekend I was kind of out of sorts.
I was aware, I was snippy with John. I was impatient with people. I was unkind. Even in my dialogue with myself, none of that is good for us. And so we don’t want to gut it out or grind it out. We want to get it out. You want to get it out and name your feelings and then you can decide what all, what do I want to do with this feeling? And so for me, it was, I just want to acknowledge, I have a reason to be afraid. It’s legitimate. It’s not, Oh Susie, you’re being silly. I have a legitimate reason to be afraid and or fearful. And then I’m like, okay, let’s honor that. Now, what am I going to do with that? I’m not going to let it control me. This is where my faith comes in really big time. And I’m like, you know what?
My faith is going to overcome my fear. And so what I’m going to do to help myself, what I help my clients do is watch what I say to myself. What are the words you’re using to talk to yourself? So you want to name your feelings, talk about them with a good friend. If you can get them out, don’t cut it out. And then decide a couple mantras that you can say to yourself to replace some of those fears and those feelings and the stories that we say to ourselves that are unkind. So for me, as I kind of woke up this morning, my thought was, you know, thank you, God, that I’m strong, that I’m healthy, that you’re protecting me and when those feelings, and that’s kind of become my mantra, you know, thank you, I’m strong, I’m healthy, God is protecting me. And that helps kind of bring the brain science, all the adrenaline in your head and your body backed down.
Because when we have fear, our adrenaline kicks up and our bodies start going into high, you know, that fight or flight motion. So we have a couple of mantras so that we’re able to say to ourselves some things that calm us down. If you have some things that you say to yourself, put them in the comments below, let me know what they are. Let’s share. Let’s get through this together. One of the other things I do, one of the things I tell my clients to do all the time is say to yourself, I don’t talk to myself that way anymore. I’m now going to say it this way. And I say that out loud because I’ve got to catch myself in the moment of getting caught in the dervish, the undertow, the kind of whirling thoughts. And I’ll say, I am choosing faith over fear.
I am you know, enjoying the fact that I’m strong, I’m healthy, I’m thankful for the sunshine. I’m thankful for what I get to do today. If none of that works and I kind of can’t get out of that dervish that I go, you know, I do the whole phone a friend. I’ll ask John, I’ll you know, go back to my quiet time and look at what I’ve read and pray and just ask God to kind of infuse me with his peace because I can’t get it on my own. Something I heard yesterday that I thought was so good was God gives us the peace that passes understanding when we’re in places that are past our understanding, God gives us a peace that passes understanding. When we are in a place that passes our understanding and gosh, aren’t we? We’re in places that pass our understanding.
I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what is happening tomorrow, let alone the rest of today. I woke up this morning, I had this a momentary fear of, well, what about when it’s over? What about when things start getting back together? Am I still going to be at risk? How? How’s all that going to go and on and on? My mind started spooling out and I thought, wait a minute, I don’t go there anymore. I don’t think that way anymore. I don’t let myself go down that road. I’ll just get caught in the undertow. I came back to I am healthy, I am strong, God is protecting me. I’m going to do the next thing today. I’m going to stay positive. I’m focused on what I can control because I can only control what I think, what I say, what I do. And those are the things that we can all control together.
So I hope those are helpful for you. If you have any questions, pop them in the comments right now. I’ll take a few minutes to answer them. Sharon? Yes. Hi. Good to see you there. She said I cannot change the way other people act. Only the way I react. I did something the other day about how we respond. You kind of take a moment, count to 10, choose how you want to respond to something so that you’re not gonna get caught in their undertow. Let’s see if somebody, anybody else put anything in there? Hey Jen. Michelle, Colleen, good to see you all here. Thank you for being here and for joining me. I will be here tomorrow again at noon Eastern nine my time. And I do hope that as you learn to take care of yourself, you’ll begin to see all your other relationships will get better.
Everything starts with our relationship with ourselves. And so borrow my mantra. I’m strong, I’m healthy. I’m, I’m choosing to be optimistic. God is protecting me. That is something I go back to over and over and over again. And you know, in the moments when I don’t know what to do, when I’m at the end of my rope, literally in my mind, I’ll say this out loud, I’ll say this, I have two things. One is help me, Jesus, help me. Jesus, I don’t know what I’m going to do. And then my mantra for the last over a year when I was really sick last year in January, God gave me these words and I feel like they’ve carried me right into this April month of 2020 and that is, I trust you, Jesus. I’m choosing to trust you in the midst of this. And that just kinda brings a calm over us.
It connects us to our spiritual self. We kind of get grounded again. And that helps us be a better version of ourselves. That is my message for you today. I hope it encourages and empowers you. We will be talking again tomorrow. You want, I’m to talk a little bit about family stuff and relationships with the people in your house. And I’m so glad you were here. If this message resonated with you, please share it with other folks or kind of going to try to form a community around this and really get through this together. I believe in you. I’m here for you. I am cheering you on. Have a great day.