blogging addicted and being a mom
“hi, i’m susie and i’m addicted to blogging…”
“hi, susie…”
it is good friday, a day of quiet and contemplation,it is raining and i love to sit in my sunroom and hear the music of the rain on my skylight, and read and write and create…but it is spring break and i told my son i would take him shopping…
at one time, before a lot of introspection, growth and repentance i was in danger of being addicted to my children, letting their whims and needs and wants govern my every waking moment (and when one is fully addicted in this manner, there are many awake moments) . currently, after years in mommy AA i have a healthy balance and can say no or make my kids wait… but you haven’t seen my son, Zack’s smile and eyes… and i don’t want to make him wait…i told him i would take him shopping today and then watch The Passion with him… (he is 14 how cool is it that he wants me to take him shopping and watch movies with him;)
and so in the middle of my blogging stupor, he walks in to the sunroom, shirt off to show me a bump his back… what’s this mom?’ he asks and i am totally engaged! this young handsome man, whose body is becoming that of a man, and who has just grown taller than me…walks in, with washboard abs, broadening shoulders and developing arm muscles…plops down next to me, fully comfortable with interrupting my recent compulsion to be glued to my laptop… and smiles his smile…and i am amazed.
i have recently become addicted to blogging…but not in its truest sense…i am really addicted to reading and writing and learning…(haven’t updates the book and music list since i started) while i have been writing for years, now i get to see my work published instantly and with full creative license…(except for the lack of techno skills and the limitations that brings) and i love reading others words, thoughts, and learning from them…i have found a community of artists- writers, thinkers, expressers in all forms or art–to learn from, interact with and be amazed by…it is better than grad school!!! thus, my addiction grows…meals uncooked, kids left to fend for themselves, suitcase still unpacked, dusting and vacuuming crying out to be done, work to catch up on- client notes and phone calls, all ignored…i am addicted to this new world- the blogosphere!
…but zack waits and he won’t wait for long…in just 5 years i will be an empty nester and have no one to interrupt me and need me in this same way…so while i anticipate that season, i don’t want to miss this one…a season of inbetween- my kids don’t need me like they did when they were little, but their needs are still great, and i am the only one who can be their mom… many can write, far better than i can and artistically express themselves in ways i can only wonder at…but i am his only mom… and as a mom i can take zack shopping for new clothes this morning, i can look at his developing body and tell him how to take care of it, (pimples -he has a few and piercings- both ears;) how to gain weight, and listen and love in the way only a mom can…and he has a smile and a twinkle in his eye, that is just for me…
so i am done. off i go, in wonder and amazement at my zack, who was once a part of me and is now becoming a man…a totally other that i will never fully understand…
