[COVID Crisis Series 12 of 25] Better Relationships With Your Team

The following is a full transcript of a Facebook Live, where Susie is speaking  extemporaneously – she is unscripted and unedited. 

(00:00):

Hi friends, Susan Miller here. And I am excited today to talk with you about building better relationships with your team. So I am as a consultant and a coach and a speaker and an author love working with people to help them have better relationships and better communication. And yesterday I was doing some training online on zoom. One of my friends said a think over that said, I’m speaking today. And her training was going live on one of the platforms that are one of the webinars series that she’s involved in, involved in with some of her colleagues. And I thought, Oh my gosh, I think I’ve been speaking three times a week in this format. I don’t know about you, but are you zoomed out? I know we have had lots of zoom meetings and hi Jen. Good to see you. Good to see you, Jen.

(00:46):

Lots of meetings. And so yesterday I was training on how to have better team meetings, how to really get the best out of your teams. And I want to talk about that with you today, because again, better relationships start with ourselves. They deal with our God, but they do a lot with others because we are built for relationships. And right now there’s so much, that’s different in our relationships with our colleagues, with our coworkers. We aren’t in the same room. We aren’t able to read verbal, I mean, nonverbal cues because of that emotional, physical energy that we see. And we can, you know, somebody leans in a little bit or somebody is posture changes, or we just, we read their energy. And that is something that I was doing some reading by a neurobiologist. Nope, neuropsychologist. Hi, Dave. Good to see you.

(01:32):

This neuropsychologist psychiatrist. Oh my goodness. He’s MD Kurt Thompson is an MD and he wrote a book and he’s talking about how our bodies, our physical bodies are missing being in the same room with people that we’re working with that, that physiological energy exchange actually helps us. And you can think about this with me for a minute when somebody shares something and you’re kind of really excited about it. You lean in your body language changes, or, you know, if you’re feeling empathetic, you might, you know, you, you might move up and move towards them or lean towards them. There’s lots of ways that we physiologically non-verbally communicate care and concern or excitement, or, you know, I’m on board like, like togetherness and cheerlead people on all of that is missing being on video all the time, all that’s missing in this whole zoom world or Google Hangouts, or I watched a commercial for Microsoft team.

(02:24):

I’m going to be checking that out to see if that is a better platform at this point. But every leader I talk to is struggling with the weight of all this leadership and the weight of, of what’s not kind of clicking in their meetings. And so we were talking yesterday in a consulting I was doing with strategy for this team, these group of leaders, which is how to we connect, how do we get the most out of our teams? And on Tuesdays, I talk about better relationships, better relationships in business. Sorry about that. So today here’s my thought for you. It’s really important that we realize that we’re all wired uniquely. God made us all different, but there are some similarities and there’s personality types that drive or help us define and understand our behavior. And I’m one of the many tools I use is called the disc and it talks about how people behave and engage with other people.

(03:14):

And here’s one of the things I learned in some training that I did to, to kind of get schooled in this. And that is that there are two kinds of processing speeds. They’re fast processors and they’re slow processors. And I wish there was a better word for that. Because slow, isn’t worse, slow isn’t less intelligent, any more than fast is always better. Sometimes fast is not the best way to be, but there’s two kinds of processors. And what that means is the way you process information. There’s people who take in information and have a response at about three seconds. And what that means is they’ve, they’ve heard what you’ve said. They’ve taken in the information, they’ve processed it through their hamster wheel head and the, you know, circuits in there. They formulated a response and they’re ready to say their response in about three seconds.

(04:00):

Okay. And that is a fast processor. Zero to 60 in three seconds is a way for you to think about it. And about 14% of the population are fast processors. Okay. 14% taken information. They’ll hear an idea. They’ll hear a question. They’ll be part of a team meeting. And there’ll be a discussion going on. And in three seconds, they’ve thought about what they want to say, and they’re ready to say it, 14%. The bulk of the population, 86% of the population are slower or methodical, you know, method I’m me make. Maybe I’ll make up a new word for it, for what I teach it. But right now they’re called slower processors. They go zero to 60 in seven seconds. It takes them seven seconds to take it a piece of information, think it through, think about their thoughts that they want to say, formulate a thought and then have that thought, okay.

(04:54):

And that’s 86% of the population. So think about, I mean, this is true. Think about your team. Think about the people the colleagues think about your, you know, your couples group, your friends group, your Bible, study your business, you know, leadership, your BNI meetings, your masterminds, your family, your kids. This is true across the board today. We’re applying it to teams. So as leaders, your leading a meeting, you’re aware that there’s a conversation going on and you’re, you need to be aware that 14% of the pot people in the room are fast processors. 86% of the people are slow processors. I’m going to use 10 people in the room and hope I can do this, right? Because math is not my thing. I’m the slowest processor. When it comes to math, 1.4, people are fast, three seconds, 8.6. People are seven seconds where they can interact with the material and actually ask a question, actually give a response, actually give you their input.

(05:53):

And that’s, if they’ve had time to think about it and everything else is clicking well. So in your team meetings, what I want to invite you to do is slow. The whole thing down. I had one executive I coached and he’s a fast processor he’s moving. And he was, he was talking about how in meetings one or two or three people are the ones who do most of the talking in his meeting of 25. And the other, you know, bulk of them are slower and not involved. And I explained this to him and consistently those people quit the think quick to speak, say their ideas. And what we tend to do is move on with the meeting and we’re down the road to, you know, another minute and suddenly the process or seven, second processors have something to say, but sometimes the the agenda has moved on.

(06:36):

Sometimes there’s so much discussion. They can’t get a word in. And so we, as leaders need to slow the process down. What I invited him to do was count to seven. And he mentioned that it felt like an eternity. He would twist his wedding ring and count to seven when he would ask a question or of his team and wait for people to respond, wait for them to get their thoughts together and give him their thoughts. Or if he was in a meeting and not leading a meeting, we talked about counting to seven before he responded to give other people space, to respond the slower, more methodical processors. And of course I told him to count to seven twice because he counted really fast and most high, fast processors do. So that little tip, that little shift of, okay, am I a fast process at R am I a slower processor?

(07:24):

Who in my meeting is fast and quick to speak and, and ready with an answer. And who are we missing and not listening to because we’ve moved on too quickly. It’s just something to be really aware of. It, it happened at the dinner table. It happens at the, at the conference table. We need to be aware of making space for other people who are wired differently, or we need to make space for the speed of the whole group. So as you look at your team, you might be like, okay, I’m really aware that let’s just say Mary and Bob and Joe talk the most, but these other seven people, I’m not going to come up with seven names. Don’t talk as much unless we really pause and ask targeted questions. Okay. And so what we’re going to do now is we’re going to kind of name that for our meeting.

(08:05):

Hey folks, I’ve got some things I want us to talk about at this next meeting. So you want to give him some prep time. Here’s the agenda. Please think about what, what your, you know, what’s coming up. And then let’s get together and talk about it in the meeting. And this is really important on zoom. I’m telling you, seven seconds feels like an eternity, like a long time in person. It feels like an eternity on video calls. Cause we’re all just sitting there staring at our screens, watching people think, as opposed to in a meeting, people are looking down, they’re picking up their pen. They may get a sip of coffee on zoom. It’s just like, Oh, or Google Hangouts. It’s just like looking at people and it feels really long. So one of the ways to avoid that awkwardness is to name it on the front end and say, Hey folks, we’re gonna try something different.

(08:47):

This meeting. I really want to give their the folks, everyone, a chance to speak everyone, a chance to share everyone chance to be part of the discussion. So I would love if you are normally somebody who’s got lots of ideas, lots of energy. If you’d be willing, no in your personality type. That’s great. That’s fine. But what I’ve learned on my training today with Susie was that we have different processing speeds. And so I’m just going to ask you to slow it down a little bit. And if you are usually one of the first to speak, I would just love for you to think about being second or third. No, no shame, no foul, no harm, nothing bad done. We just want to make sure we give everybody a time to share. If that’s going to be awkward in your meeting, then you have that conversation offline and you let these people know, you love their enthusiasm.

(09:33):

You love their excitement. You love that they are all in, but that you want to have these other people who are wired differently, feel the space and speed with which to be part of a meeting, to be involved in the meeting, to feel like their voices and their thoughts matter, whatever. I talked to this 86% they’ll say things like, well, I just don’t think my ideas is important, or I just couldn’t find the right time to interject or, you know, they moved on before I could get my thoughts out. And so I just let it go. These aren’t the people who are going to be going time out, time out. I have something to say, those are your three, the 14% who are much quicker to, to think that through, to have that response. And so as a leader, you want to step back and give everybody a chance to have a win here.

(10:21):

You want to do that by saying to your quick processors, Hey, you guys you are, I love your passion. I love your ideas. I love how quickly you come in and respond. But would you mind if we just slow it down and give everybody a chance to get to stay on the same page? You don’t want to say catch up. Cause that kind of sounds slow. Like it’s slower, bad. It’s not bad. It’s just different. There are times when slow and methodical and thinking things through is so much better and wiser. And if you don’t do this, you’re missing the wisdom of maybe the 86% and pieces of information that could really help you catapult your business to the next level. I’m a fast processor. I talk fast. I think fast, I move fast and I have learned, or I’ve had to learn or I’m in the process of continuing to learn to slow down.

(11:07):

And there are times when I’m in meetings where I have to think, okay, don’t, don’t raise your hand. First. Suzy, don’t be the first to speak. Give other people space. There’s times in my conversations with other leaders that are wired differently, where I have to remember that where I twist my wedding ring and count to seven. You know, there are times in meetings where I’ve set it up to say, Hey, let’s give everyone a chance to share. We’re just going to slow it down and give some time to process. And so you could say, Hey, we’re going to all think for a minute, write down your first three ideas that come to you that will slow your fast thinkers down. And it will give your your slower processors time to be ready to speak the speed of processing and inviting people to make space for how different we are, is a huge way that you can benefit your team.

(11:52):

It’s a huge trip trick tip tip to getting the most out of all the team members there. And it’s a way that you can make sure everybody’s ideas are heard. Everybody feels included. And usually the fast processes are cool with it. If they get kind of upset, just pull them along, slide, pull them aside and say, Hey, this is for the best of the team. It is especially important on zoom when or zoom or video meetings, whatever you use, WebEx, Google Hangouts Microsoft team, because it feels so long on video that silence. And so just name it, namely awkwardness. Gosh, this is hard, but let’s all take a minute. Write down your thoughts before we share, and then strategically call on a slower processor to give their thoughts first. You know, let’s say I’m just gonna give us a chance to think about this.

(12:37):

And then I’m going to ask for ideas just in order or, you know, starting over here on this side of the room with Joey, who might be a slower processor and have need the time to come up with his ideas and put them forward again, not bad, just different. And it’s our job as leaders to make sure that we make everyone feel included and we make space for all of these different wirings and ideas. Okay. So I hope that tip helps you. I want to greet Sharon and Christie and Robert and Dave and Kevin and Karen, thank you for being on today. We all are trying to grow to our best versions of ourselves in this time, all the time, but especially during COVID where we have these unique challenges in our teams. If you have questions about business relationships or ways to communicate better or connect with your colleagues or lead your colleagues, pop them in the comments below and let me know, let me know that there’s something you want me to cover.

(13:30):

If that is something you want to keep private, you can always PM me. If you are a three-second processor, put three in the comments below. If you are a seven second processor, put seven in the comments below. And if you have an idea about how to slow down about how to include the whole group and all the different processors in a conversation, please, please, please, please pop it in the comments because I want to learn from you too. I want to hear what’s worked for you. I want others to read your comments and say, Hey, you know, Dave had a great idea there. I’m going to start implementing that because we are all learning together. We are all growing together and I’m just honored that you’re here today. And that we can talk about the hard things of relationships and communication because when we do our relationships, have the chance to get better. If we buried all under the rug, nothing changes. If we dive in the deep end, things, get better. Thanks for joining me today. And I will see you tomorrow. Same place, same time. And we’ll go from there. Have a great day.