Wheezing, bronchitis that just won’t go away, difficult to breathe, talk, think…
Every holistic and natural remedy I have tried for the past 7 weeks, has not helped enough to still the rattle in my chest as I labor to breathe. So I am back on meds. Soon the whirl of steroids in my body, which can make me manic will bring on a crash.
Part of me wants to keep going to not let sickness “win” again. Batting thoughts of failure and lies of “don’t be weak, suck it up..”
But a gentle whisper says, “punt, stop trying to push through…take the advice you give others and be kind to yourself…go read and sleep, let the meds do their work. (After all.. Tomorrow is another day.)
God isn’t surprised by this interruption, He allowed in my life and can use it for good – but right now – I am frustrated and felling defeated.
Tears of anger, disappointment and sadness… fight Faiths effort to cling to truth.
And I am Not writing about how grateful I am that I Can actually sleep and rest and get well.. I mean I AM grateful, but I am not writing about it… Not today! And I know God is okay with that too!
Later in the day I got this lovely comment from Brenda:
Oh, sister girl..Preach! I pray today that the seriousness of it all in your heart and mind escapes your grasp and you simply find rest. May you wake with a lightheartedness regarding possible delays and know confidently that in His rest, restoration is found.”
I love her words “the seriousness of it all in your heart and mind escapes your grasp and you simply rest” …beautiful words and that’s just what I did… first fell asleep listening to hymns, and then read and watched some mindless TV… anything NOT to think!! At times like this my mind is not the safest place for wandering around in … too many tangles and underbrush! And I have learned distraction is a better idea. More on that another time…
Then this evening I found this lovely art from Kelly Rae Roberts and my heart sighed.
I spoke hope over my weary heart today.
I can be Brave and speak love over my weary heart and mind… I can rest and take care, and be kind to myself. I can practice self compassion. God is in the midst of this… #grace for the journey!