ID-10027758Oh how I wish my husband could read my mind!  It would be so much easier when:

  • I am trying to telepathically communicate (with a few facial expressions thrown in) Exactly what he should be doing or saying in a tough conversation with our kids…
  • I am upset with a situation with one of my girlfriends, my feelings are hurt and he just doesn’t “get it…”
  • We are having a “discussion” and even though I am crying and said don’t touch me when he went to take my hand, he should do so anyway.  Magically knowing I really mean try again…
  • I am having a fat and ugly day and if he would just know to say sweet and complimentary things about how I look!..
  • I am fuming because he has snapped at me, disappointed me and we… not read my mind!!

Can you relate?

All Husbands should  have this super power!  I mean women do!! We read minds, faces, emotions, nuances, changes in the atmosphere!

And probably men in general- fathers, brothers, boyfriends, just friends who are boys, colleagues.. Men.. really could benefit from this inherently female super power!

But Husbands… they really need it! Maybe wives could wiggle our nose and give him mind reading abilities when we wanted to!

Writing this makes me laugh…  at myself, my girlfriends and lots of women who have lamented. “But he did or didn’t do or say something, we thought was obvious!  Right!!?

Reality:  he can’t read your mind!

Bummer.

Unfortunate, frustrating… and talk about teeing the ball up for an out of the park argument!!  Expecting our husbands to read our minds it is a recipe for disaster.

The only solution I have come up with is to actually tell my hubbie, John,  what I am thinking, feeling, needing, wanting… even when I don’t want to!

Men only read minds in fairytales, movie scripts and maybe heaven? (a girl can hope!)

But not in real life, real love, real issues of marriage, parenting, relationships, money, household chores, sex, conversation, TV remote control use… Nope!  not even a smidge.

I have learned the hard way in every one of these areas. After years of tension and disappointment, I finally realized willing John to read my mind is futile – and getting mad because he didn’t is frustrating for both of us.

So my marriage tip for today is: tell your hubbie what you think, feel, need, want, don’t want, hope, wish, dream… everything! It’s the only option for him to really know!

Trust me – he will appreciate it, even if he doesn’t show it in the moment.  I mean, seriously, who is going to say “Thanks for sharing that with me,”  after being told they had made a mistake, and we were mad, hurt, disappointed?

No one I know… BUT in the long run, your hubbie will be glad because he is getting to know you – your thoughts, feelings, quirks, preferences – stuff under the surface he wouldn’t know unless you told him.

Speaking of fairy tales and mind reading hopes, here’s’ a true story:

You know how in movies, the hero always holds the girls face in his hands, looks in her eyes and then kisses her?  (swoon)

You know how most husbands don’t do that?

anigif_enhanced-buzz-21086-1419879193-4_previewWell, one day, I got tired of hoping and wishing that John would read my mind. So during a movie we were watching together -right after a swoon scene – I paused it… and said -” I like that – what he did right there, I like that…”

“Kissing?” John said with a bit of “no duh” in his voice.

“Nope, not just kissing  but hands on my face, look in my eyes, kissing.”

I rewound the scene and played it for him.  Stopped the movie again and said, “like that.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but I can’t imagine any man saying, “Thanks for telling me that you like the way that guy – an actor by the way – kisses better than me!”

Not gonna happen!

And, true to form,  John’s response was, “oh, okay.” And then he pressed play.

He didn’t immediately take my face in his hands, and kiss me.  He didn’t say “Thanks for sharing your thoughts and wants with me.” He didn’t even kiss me in swoon way that night at all.

Of course, I was majorly disappointed, and after a bit of pouting and fuming, I remember thinking, “Well, at least I told him.  No more pining away wishing… at least now he knows.”

And wouldn’t you know it, but a few days later while we were snuggling, John took my face in his hands and… swoon!

So… the morale of the story is, “men can’t read minds!”  And they would be relived and appreciative  if we told them what we think, want, feel and need, instead of getting mad at them for something they never knew to begin with.

Trust me!

Try it! What have you got to lose?!

Oh… and then be patient. 🙂

Do you have a “figured out he wasn’t a mind reader” story?  Share it below in the comments and let’s chat!

2 Responses to “What…He Can’t Read My Mind??!”

  1. Jen

    So…. I really I feel like saying why not!! Why can’t they read our minds, do we have to do all the hard stuff…couldn’t this be a good one to go up against child labor or something? ( still doesn’t even out but… Really?) I agree it can be really frustrating at times. Why is it so hard for them/ him to pick up on cues that just seem obvious? I think my reoccurring one is if he can tell that I’m sad or feeling down and then he says in this almost defensive tone, what’s wrong with you? rather than doing it in a way that is looking to comfort me .. It is like he has already decided it is because of something he did or said before realizing that I just might be having a bad day or that someone else made me upset …and in those times when I may not want to talk about it yet bcz I have to get my thoughts straight so I don’t blow it, he doesn’t like to take nothing or we can talk about it later as an answer.. What then?
    Ps- I have to say I have always loved the “swoon” in movies, it is romantic.. Gentle.

    Reply
    • Susie Miller

      oh girlfriend, me too! Why not is a great reply, especially when we are holding up a neon sign that says “I need ___, I want___, would you please___.” And yet, sometimes even that doesn’t work. I am learning to at least speak up, or even hold up the sign for the zillionth time!
      It was hard for me to learn to be patient when my husband said he needed time to think about how to respond. Being quick with a reply, I just didn’t get it. Finally I learned about how an introvert processes things and that opened my eyes to why time and space was important – even if it drove me crazy! I have a resource for you that may help. Let’s chat about it soon.

      Reply

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