superhusbandWhile I have many super powers, and I know I’m your hero, I am not a mind reader!

Every husband I have ever worked with- yes every single one- has expressed frustration about their wife expecting, or at the very least hoping, he could read her mind.

Marriages get all tangled up in this issue and conversation shuts down and no one is happy.

Here is what I think men might say if they weren’t worried about how we as wives might react:

Dear Wives,

We can’t read your minds, and that is probably a good thing!  So please tell us your thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, or concerns.  That would be a great way to improve communication.

Oh… and if you could be aware of “when” you share what’s on your mind – that would be helpful too.

For example, times that aren’t the best:

  • just before I leave for work or when I first come home from work
  • during the big game
  • right before I drift off to sleep
  • when we are enjoying some love making.

At these moments, my mind is elsewhere.

I know you are probably wondering, “When exactly is a good time?”

Life is hectic, we are busy and it seems that a “good time” to talk, especially about the hard stuff, is hard to find.  You are right! (see, I can admit you’re right!) -and I do want to hear what you have to say.

So, good times:  hmmm

  1. Maybe you could let me know you want to talk about something heavy or deep and we can set a time to do so.
  2. What about while I am fixing the car, or doing other household stuff, because if I am fixing something, I may be less inclined to try to “fix you, us, or the situation” and can listen better.
  3. The beginning of the evening, so we have time to actually discuss it, before we are both even more exhausted.  This would include the beginning of date night, because a tense conversation at the end of date night can kill the mood.
  4. Maybe you could ask me, “Is this a good time to talk?”  I might just say yes! But if I say no, re-read idea #1.

Honestly, I do want to be close and connected with you, even when I don’t show it.  But, I am not a mind reader and need your help in understanding and really knowing you. Thanks for being willing to work with me on this.

Loads of love,

Husbands everywhere

Can you relate?  How have you and your spouse been able to navigate this well? What other times are good times to talk? 

Share your thoughts and let’s chat!

 

2 Responses to “What every husband wants to tell his wife”

  1. Jen

    Love the letter.., you nailed it! I have yet to come up with a good answer to share. There never seems to be a good time. I often explode in anger or tears and say “I need a minute” then try to come back to it later. Thanks for giving perspective. This leads me to another question, is fighting good for your marriage? Does that mean if we don’t fight often or don’t have deep conversations ( as often as a result of fighting) is it possible that that could be more of an contributor for growing apart?

    Reply
    • Susie Miller

      OH Jen…
      Fighting and marriage… an elephant size question. Being able to have healthy, safe and productive conflict is good for a marriage. Check out The Gottman Institute which has some great resources on this topic.
      Honestly in ever relationship, people bug us and we frustrate them too -no matter how much we love them and vice versa. We all make mistakes, hurt people and mess up. Being able to talk about this, even have tough or tense discussions is important. So at one level – to answer your question more fully, I would need to know what you mean by fighting.

      Anyone else have a thought to share or an experience that might help here?

      Reply

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