fierce_marriage_married_best_friendRepeat after me:  “My husband is my best friend but that doesn’t mean  he is my best “girlfriend”!!! We love our husbands.  They are  our:  best friend, lover, father of our kids, protector, provider, source of hope,  of love and of most of the tension and struggle in our life as well.  But- as good as marriage gets, and I have a good one, my hubbie will never be my best girlfriend.

And that is okay!

In fact, that is the way it is supposed to be!

My hubbie happy and grateful once I learned this simple and somewhat obvious truth! The tension lowered, I was less disappointed, he felt less pressure and we simply got along better. He was free to be all that God calls him to be as a husband and not try to fill the role of my best girlfriend too- role he never created to play.

We share common interests and have stuff we love to do together- “us things!” We even venture into each other’s world as a way to show our love for each other.  He is my best friend.  My soul mate.  But he will never be my best girlfriend and quite honestly, I don’t want him to be… I love his manliness and the differences between us -male and female.  I need them!

And… I need my girlfriends too!

When I stopped expecting (okay sometimes even demanding) that my hubbie fill the role of my best girlfriend, he was relieved.

He doesn’t have to pretend to be engaged and interested in loooong discussions, looking at something from every angle, “what about this perspective talks” to understand a situation- I have those with  my  girlfriends, who actually like having them!

He isn’t subjected to the hormonal roller coaster of reactions to something our kids said or did that threw me for a loop. Something he would have taken in stride as no big deal.  (I bet you can imagine how that conversation went!)  Now I process those sometimes over the top reactions with my best girlfriend and she talks me down from the ledge, offers some perspective and reminds me that I am PMSing. (She can get away with that, because she gets it- she has been there!)

He is grateful the latest fashion, shoes or jewelry trends are no longer waved in his face to comment on and share his opinions. (Also in this category:  hair color, pintrest posts, baby pics and makeup tips!) Nope… I call my girlfriends and we spend hours on the phone surfing, commenting and commiserating!

Think about all the things you love to do with your best girlfriends… How many of them does your hubbie really enjoy?

Ladies… let them off the hook! We don’t like hearing about all their guy stuff, or doing it with them.  We hope they have good male friends to fish, spit, hunt, fix cars, talk sports or watch shoot ‘em up movies with!

Of course we share our hearts with our hubbies, and delight in knowing theirs. It just looks different from when we talk with our besties.

When I share my ideas and thoughts with my hubbie, seeking his perspective and input, he is grateful it comes out succinctly because I have processed a lot of it with my bestie. Am I short changing our relationship- I don’t think so.  I believe it is honoring him and the way he communicates…and the fact that guys feel pressure to be our best girlfriends when they are called to be our husbands.  A different role completely.

So embrace your best girlfriends and enjoy your husband as your best man friend! Everyone will be happier!!

Does this resonate with you? Do you agree or disagree?  How does your relationship with your husband as your best friend differ from those with your best  girlfriends?

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