Making hard choices

Better Relationship Podcast Episode #031

Making Hard Choices w/ Mindy Hyatt Spradlin

Show Notes: (by R. Pumphrey)

Mindy Hyatt Spradlin, mom, wife, and entrepreneur, shares how the hard choices to grow a strong marriage and successful business isn’t easy, but it is always worth it! 

We had a delightful chat and connected on places our stories intersected – Being Moms with ambition, Investing in our Marriages, Juggling being a wife, mom and Entrepreneur!

Mindy believes that investing in personal growth saved her marriage, improved her relationship with her children, and gave her a new perspective on priorities in her business.  Mindy discusses how she’s changed her outlook on seeking personal affirmation, how she overcame her internal conflict when it came to ambition, and what it means to look for intentionality in yourself and others.  

Mindy’s Bio

  • Mindy is a wife, mother of 4 children, and an entrepreneur and lives in Franklin, TN
  • Mindy’s been married to her husband Nathan, a  outdoorsman, for 13 years.
  • Mindy currently runs a highly successful children’s consignment boutique and is also a Blue Diamond Leader with DoTerra Essential Oils Company.
  • Although her marriage was rocky at the start, it now thrives as much as her business.
  • Mindy was successful in business, but admits one area consistently fell short: her marriage.

Her Marriage-The Early Years

  • Mindy and Nathan married very young, and go engaged after only dating for 6 weeks.
  • They had their first baby around their first anniversary.
  • Mindy believes they lacked the right tools to set themselves up for a good marriage.
  • Although things looked great from the outside, inside married life felt like a daily struggle and a was very difficult.

When Reality Hit

  • There were several points along the way that led Mindy and Nathan to make significant choices to pursue growth and change.
  • Early on, Mindy and Nathan both attributed to it being newly married and thought problems would fix themselves.
  • When her second daughter was a baby, Mindy remembers crying “this is not what I signed up for”.
  • Mindy admits she personally had a stigma against counseling.
  • Right before their third baby was born, they attempted counseling.  It was a very bad experience.
  • Both Mindy and Nathan developed the belief that there was no hope if counseling couldn’t help.
  • Realizing that they were more willing to stay in a horrible marriage than deal with the fallout was a turning point.

Emotional Challenges of Being an Entrepreneurial Spouse

  • Spending time and energy on entrepreneurial pursuits became a way to avoid issues in her marriage.
  • Mindy admits it’s easier to get personal affirmation from success in work when you don’t feel like you’re getting it from your spouse.
  • Mindy realized that she and Nathan didn’t  know how to effectively communicate with each other.
  • Instead of dealing with their marriage issues, Mindy focuses on working on her businesses.

Making the Shift from Prioritizing Business to Prioritizing Marriage

  • Six months after their turning point, Nathan initialized counseling again.
  • Mindy began to understand things from Nathan’s perspective.
  •  Nathan was encouraged to see that Mindy was becoming aware of her part in their problems.

Success in Marriage and Business

  • Too many entrepreneurs see Marriage & Business as an either/or situation.
  • Often entrepreneurs don’t realize that an investment in your personal life equals investment in your business.
  • Mindy was afraid that if she slowed down in business, she would lose her level of success, but found that intentional choosing to make her marriage a priority actually had the revers effect!.
  • Mindy intentionally focused on thinking before she would act and speak, and improved both her marriage and her business.
  • The relationship skills you develop your personal life will positively and dramatically impact your  entrepreneurial success.

Authenticity and Transparency

  • Mindy and Nathan weren’t sharing their deepest fears and biggest joys with each other, and distance between them grew.
  • When they started doing being more authentic and transparent with each other,  it changed their marriage improved.
  • Choosing to do the hard work of personal growth deepened their level of intimacy and enjoyment of one another.

Choices & Intentionality

  • Mindy has learned to make clearer priorities between the urgent and the important things that occupy her mind.
  • Mindy realizes that boundaries keep her focused and intentional with how she invests her time and energy.
  • Choosing how she wants to fill the different roles in her life has helped her develop healthy relationship with her husband, kids, friend, family and business associates.

Inner Conflict and Ambition

  • Mindy always wanted to be a stay at home mom but she also battled an inner conflict and ambition to do more.
  • Ultimately, Mindy felt like God was saying it was okay to do both.
  • Mindy learned through trial and error how to juggle these competing time demands, by realizing   that it’s okay not to ‘have it all’ and ‘do it all,’ at the same time or season of life.  all of the time’.

The Comparison ‘Trap’

  • Many entrepreneurs are inclined to comparing their achievements with others and find they fall short.
  • When you have an achievement mindset, the drive to do more never really goes away. Choosing to wisely deal with ambition is essential to good relationships with yourself and others
  • Moms have a huge tendency to ‘should’ all day long.  We have ideas of what a perfect mom ‘should’ be like.
  • When we say “should” to ourselves, that’s our shame talking.
  • Mindy repeatedly tells herself, ‘it doesn’t matter what other people do.  This is about me.  This is my own personal journey’.
  • The trick is to look at others and pull skills that you can learn or implement to create success in your own life instead of being jealous and beating yourself up.

How Personal Growth Leads to Success as a Mom

  • Mindy and Nathan have been honest with their kids about their marriage counseling.
  • Mindy and Nathan both try to integrate the better communication skills they’ve learned with their children as well.
  • Mindy has learned that  her kids don’t want her to fix things, but to just listen.
  • Mindy encourages  her children to express their emotions.
  • Understanding that ‘bad’ behavior is really a symptom of underlying feelings helps Mindy lessen her ‘reactivity’ to their actions.
  • When you can ‘name’ your feelings, it is easier to find a solution.
  • When you see your children as ‘whole’ beings that completely changes the parent-child dynamic in a positive way.

New Ways of Thinking

  • It is important to remember the bigger picture and not just focus on what is happening at any given moment.
  • Sometimes people are really trying to please you and we don’t interpret it that way.
  • Mindy has learned to look for the intention behind other people’s actions or words, and base her response on this, not simply their behavior.

Where You Can Find Mindy

Her websites:

www.mydoterra.com/mindyspradlin

www.littlesproutssale.com

Mindy’s blog:  http://www.mindyspradlin.com/

 

Susie’s website:  www.susiemiller.com

Susie’s book: www.listenlearnlovebook.com