brp-043-dr gina madrigrano

Better Relationship Podcast Episode #043

Like Yourself First w/ Dr. Gina Madrigrano

Show Notes:

Dr. Gina Madrigrano talks about the importance of liking yourself and developing a strong self-esteem. This no only makes you a happier person, but a better parent. Dr. Gina works with parents and teens
helping them to create better relationships through awareness, and intentionality. When you like yourself first, you will be able to parent with more freedom and fewer arguments with your kids.
Bio
Dr.  Gina Madrigrano is a clinical and forensic psychologist, author and
speaker. She is committed to helping parents foster influential and positive relationships with their children and each other. Dr. Gina provides parents with a variety of strategies that reduce stress, frustration, worry, overwhelm, yelling and repeating. Dr. Gina has over 30 publications that include book chapters, articles and keynotes. She is working on a book about children’s self-esteem.
Parents and Kids:
  • Parents getting to know themselves is the beginning of her work.
  • Parents impact their kids immensely so starting with helping them grow into better people and thus parents, is crucial.
  • Parents come with fix m kids and then find out they are the ones that need work. Their personal relationship with themselves and their self-esteem impacts the kids and their parenting style.
  • Without intending to, parents inadvertently place the same expectations they put on themselves on their kids. They are unaware of how this impacts kids – especially those who are wired different than the parents are.
  • Increasing parent awareness helps kids move from being unseen and unheard to seeing who their kids actually are and how to foster their individual sense of self and personality.
Like Yourself First:
  • Parents who do inner work are less likely to impose their history and experiences on their kids.
  • Growth helps stop this from happening and equips parents to embrace their kids uniqueness.
  • When you are not attached to an outcome, who they are as loving parents is enough for the kids to turn out well, even when they don’t agree with their choices.
  • Respect the child’s path and let go of their definition of life success.
  • Be engaged in the process and parenting but detached form the outcome and not overlay their template of expectations for interests, pursuits or career paths.
Susie:
Greatest burden children carry is the unrealized dreams of their parents.
  • Gina helps parents identify these dreams and how to not impose them on their children.
  • Not freedom to do whatever they want as kids, but to become who they are created to be.
  • Uninvolved parents is not healthy a healthy or effective way to parent.
  •  Engaged parents foster attachment with parents, then they can transfer their values, and resiliency.
    Outcome that matters is happy kids, true to themselves, healthy self-esteem vs. outcomes of grades, sports performance.

Adults/Parents:

  • Reach peace within themselves with who they are.
  • Be aware of where they find their is their self worth.
  • Is self-worth connected to outside themselves? Or Qualities within themselves.
  • Inner worth is stable self-esteem. Externally based self-esteem is at the mercy of circumstances.
  • Examine your relationships: they mirror back to you the self worth you hold with yourself.
  • When yourself-esteem grows, often relationships change.

Boundaries:

  • How to define them.
  • How to assess and pay attention to your own need, rather than what other people think.
  • What do you want? What makes you happy, and then set boundaries with others.
  • When kids are little, they have no problem being themselves, honest, candid, they are true to themselves, but over time we tell them be this way, don’t say that, and this invalidates them. And then self-esteem is fleeting and confusing.

Self Esteem Impact:

  • Improved self-esteem changes your relationship. Toxic ones get pushed away and they are able to embrace healthy one and have more life satisfaction.
  • Leave toxic and make space for the new.
  • As parents grow, kids do as well.
  • Awareness precedes change.

How to develop self-esteem:

  • All relationships begin with your relationship with yourself.
  • Examine your beliefs. Using The 4 Agreements, Don Miguel Ruiz
  • Incorporate Mindfulness and Meditation
  • Let go of old resentments and stop worrying about future.
  • Coming back to present moment can radically improve inner world, self
  • -confidence.
  • No longer a victim of their beliefs, or other people’s beliefs.
  • Goal is to become independent of therapist. So Gina gives them a lot of resources to grow on their own time as well as through the counseling relationship.

Susie’s tip: Live from your conclusions:

Make sticky notes of the conclusions you arrive at after thinking something through. Then be mindful of it when the question comes up again you can refer the note – and don’t go through the mental gymnastics over and over again.

No longer reliving the emotions but moving on with intentionality.

Gina’s Book:

Your kid’s self-esteem starts with your self-esteem. Look at the behaviors that come from poor self-esteem and you will probably see your kids mirroring them.

 

How to Connect with Dr. Gina:

DrMadrigrano.com

Loads of resources, freebies, and ebook about how to get your kids to do chores.

 

Susie tip: Make a job jar.

We took strips of paper ad wrote jobs no one likes and when our kids were disrespectful or arguing and wouldn’t listen, we just sent to get 1 job jar- and it kept things from escalating into arguments.

 

Dr. Gina final thoughts:

Like yourself to a better life, happier parenting, and more

satisfaction in life.

Susie’s website:       www.susiemiller.com

Susie’s book:         www.listenlearnlovebook.com