Better Relationship Podcast Episode #034
ONE Extraordinary Marriage with Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo
Show Notes: (by R. Pumphrey)
Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, of ONE Extraordinary Marriage, share candidly about how intentionally increasing their sexual intimacy led to a more fulfilling marriage, better communication and a thriving business! Investing time, energy and growth to create an extraordinary marriage can equip a couple to weather the unique seasons and challenges of business and family life.
Tony and Alisa’s Bio
- Tony and Alisa have been married for 19 years and live in San Diego with their two teen children.
- They are the best-selling authors of the book, 7 Days of Sex Challenge, on Amazon.
- Tony and Alisa are the podcast co-hosts, best-selling authors and co-founders of ‘One Extraordinary Marriage’, a leading all-inclusive source for couples on sex, love and commitment.
- Their mission is to save a million marriages around the world
It Started as a Hobby….
- Tony and Alisa had gone through a ‘mess’ in their own marriage.
- They had contemplated divorce twice, lost a child, and were $50K plus in debt at one point.
- Around 11 years in, they had to decide whether to ‘just exist’ or to take action,
- Shortly after, Tony and Alisa were slated to teach a class on sex at their church.
- At the same time, Tony caught a news show of other couples doing a ’60 Day Sex Challenge’.
- Tony was intrigued but Alisa’s immediate reaction was “No-I’m way too exhausted!”
Alisa’s ‘God’ Moment
- The next day, Alisa realized that if she wasn’t even willing to try then her marriage was over.
- The Sex Challenge made them be really intentional about their marriage.
- She knew that she had give just as much because Tony wasn’t going to initiate 60 days in a row.
- Tony had to figure out her communication styles.
- Tony and Alisa had to learn how to break out of their routines
Considering Sex in a New Light
- There’s a distorted view of what spontaneity looks like in marriage.
- Tony and Alisa had to schedule time together, navigating around having 2 small children.
- Communicating encouragement to your spouse can help you both see yourselves in a new light.
- Culture and media tell us that we’re all wired the same and will respond the same sexually.
- Understanding that’s not true and how to communicate with your spouse on their level will increase your intimacy.
- Our culture encourages us to put only our best selves forward.
- It can be scary to become vulnerable with each other.
- When their marriage became the safest place, Tony and Alisa’s emotional intimacy blossomed.
The Highs and Lows of Being in Love AND Business
- Business can quickly ‘take over’- Tony and Alisa make sure they find time for each other.
- They put time for each other on their calendars. If they don’t, it won’t happen.
- Tony and Alisa call a ‘time out’ on business discussions during their ‘together’ time.
- Alisa believes that there are seasons when the business mistress will take over.
- But, when your marriage is strong, you have the emotional resources to handle those demands.
- Tony believes both spouses need someone ‘outside’ the business to dump on.
- It’s helpful to have your own mentors to bounce ideas off of, to get a different perspective.
Real-Time Strategies for Entre-Spouses
- Tony and Alisa handle disagreements with real ‘pros and cons’ discussions.
- Tony and Alisa’s strategy is to go for a walk instead of staring at each other across the office.
- Having defined roles in their business decreases friction.
- They each work on areas that match their strengths. Alisa creates content while Tony does more hands-on implementation.
Communication Strategies Work Across the Board
- The communication strategies that work in business translate to marriage and family.
- Both Tony and Alisa try to use the same communication strategies with their children.
- Sometimes it works, but there are 4 very strong-willed individuals living in their home!
- They firmly believe that kids need the influence of both parents.
- There are times when you need to cede control to your spouse because they are better equipped.
- You’ve never ‘arrived’. It’s an ongoing journey where you’re always trying to find balance.
Key Advice for Other Couples in Business
- You’re being intentional about developing your career.
- If you want to have a great marriage, you have to bring the same focus into your relationship.
What Are their Superpowers?
- For Tony, the glass is always half-full, even on the lowest days. His superpower is hope and belief that there’s always something better ahead.
- Alisa is all about taking action for herself and others. Her superpower is speaking life into other people’s goals and dreams and encouraging them to take that first step.
Where You Can Find Tony and Alisa:
Susie’s website: www.susiemiller.com
Susie’s book: www.listenlearnlovebook.com