Better Relationship Podcast Episode #015
How to Create Your Best Life w/ Kimanzi Constable
Show Notes: (by R. Pumphrey)
Kimanzi Constable, a first-generation entrepreneur and successful author, shares lessons learned on the journey from his first business to finding the entrepreneurial path he really loves. Kimanzi candidly shares about his marriage struggles, business difficulties, as well as his successes. Kimanzi is an inspiration and example of making tough choices, and making changes to radically impact his life and relationships. Doing so moved him from simply existing to living with joy, meaning and making an impact.
- Former bread delivery business owner who started his business at 19 years old
- Has self-published 2 books that have now sold over 100K copies!!
- Has lost 170 lbs. over the last year and recently moved his family to Maui, HI
- He is a published author, a contributing writer for the Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine and Mind Body Green, the lead editor at Good Men Project, an international speaker and a coach
- His mission is to help men and women create true freedom in their lives
- As a first generation entrepreneur, Kimanzi first started his business at 19 years old. He didn’t have any mentors or people in his life who were also independent business owners. This lack of direction led to problems in mismanagement, which resulted in pretty significant business problems in 2011.
- He was about $180K in debt and because he worked odd hours, it really threw his body off, leading to some pretty bad health habits and substantial weight gain
- The combination of business problems, odd working hours, and the IRS garnishing money put A LOT of stress on his marriage.
- In 2011, he and his wife separated. She stayed at home while he lived with a friend. He was so depressed that he literally found himself lying on the floor crying.
The Turning Point
- During Kimanzi’s time at his friend’s, he received a completely random call from a former friend who felt ‘compelled’ to call and check on him. This friend really let him be honest with his struggles which was the first step in awareness.
- The next day, Kimanzi knew he had to get control of the situation. He was browsing in a bookstore and found the book 48 Days to Work You Love, by Dan Miller.
- It was instrumental in changing the way Kimanzi viewed himself and what was possible for his life. He knew he had to take action and stop listening to all of the doubt, fear, and self-limiting beliefs.
- Kimanzi started journaling everything. He allowed himself to start dreaming again,
- He started working on paying down debt by cutting grass washing people’s cars, cleaning houses, anything he could do to get some cash
- Kimanzi idn’t really know anything about “goal-setting” or other terms that we traditionally think of in personal development. He just started DOING.
Kimanzi’s First Book and Becoming a Published Author
- Kimanzi learned about self-publishing from the internet-he’d had no idea that it was really possible, but he liked what he heard
- Kimanzi wrote his first book, Tales of the Everyday Working Man and Womam,” and naively put the book out there, without having built a platform, or knowing about social media or marketing. It sold 5 copies in the first 6 months
- This was a frustrating, angering setback, but Kimanzi had gone through so much that he was determined he was going to do it anyway
- Kimanzi realized his book wasn’t’ selling, because people didn’t know who he was, so he started focusing on building an audience by guest-posting on blogs.
- In 2012, he guest-posted on 50 different blogs, which brought about half a million visitors to his website that year.
- Kimanzi wrote his 2nd book, Are You Living Or Existing” and by the end of the year both books sold about 45,000 copies!
- The success of his books led to a host of other opportunities, including a 4-book deal with a major publisher, as well as opportunities to speak at conferences around the world.
On Repairing His Marriage
- During this time, Kimanzi didn’t make a bunch of promises to his wife, instead he focused on just showing her he was serious through his actions.
- They started meeting for dates; over time they progressed to relationship beginning again.
- After his wife saw Kimanzi was making changes, not just talking about them, she felt comfortable getting back together.
- Communication was key-not just about what Kimanzi was doing, but his vision for both his family and a new business venture.
Kimanzi’s Advice to Struggling Entrepreneur Husbands
- Demonstrate that your dream is worth banking on. Be specific about your visions and goal. Talking in generalities makes it difficult for your spouse to get on board.
- For example: Kimanzi, didn’t just say “I want to write.” Instead he said, “ I want to write books for people who are stuck. I want to be the book that helps that guy who is just like me.”
- Communicate to your spouse how entrepreneurship can provide freedom to really BE there for your family.
- Communicate how your vision affects your spouse-will it give them more freedom to pursue THEIR dreams??
Boundaries and Borders for Balancing Entrepreneurship and Marriage
- It’s very easy for entrepreneurs to have these ‘giant’ ideas and long range plans, which can be overwhelming for your spouse and family.
- Instead, take it one step at a time and one day at a time. Focus on living each day and working on what’s important THAT day.
- Engage your family in decisions and goals-Kimanzi and his wife still have family meetings every Sunday.
Maintaining a Friendship With Your Spouse
- Do things that you both enjoy together.
- Kimanzi and his wife still do ‘date nights’ and they exercise together.
- Discover your spouse’s ‘love language’ and do things THEY will see as loving and affectionate – Kimanzi writes notes and songs for his wife.
Struggles for Entrepreneurial Spouses
- Entrepreneurial spouses, or EntreSpouses as Susie calls them, often feel they share their spouse wit another love- the business.
- They have a rule that all work-related electronics go off at 4 pm
- He also still struggles a little bit with not communicating enough when something is bothering him
Kimanzi’s Question for Susie
What would you say are some better ways to communicate before getting to the point of frustration?
Susie: We all have to know our spouse’s ‘love language’ and anticipate how to approach them for a discussion that is good for both of you.
- Have an awareness of timing-frequently it’s not just the content that may upset someone, but more so when you approach them. Avoid ‘heat of the moment’ discussions.
- Use this phrase: “Tell me more about that. Help me understand”. Susie unpacks this more in her book, Listen, Learn, Love: How to Dramatically Improve Your Relationship in 30 Days or Less!
- Has an innate ability to ‘read’ people
- Has dealt with a lot of both good and not-so-good people and can easily tell the difference of who’s real and who’s fake
Where You Can Find Kimanzi
Connect with Kimanzi on Social Media via Links on his website
Starve the Doubts Podcast with Jared Easley
Book Site: www.livingorexistingbook.com
Kimanzi writes and is an editor at ‘The Good Men Project’
Susie’s website: www.susiemiller.com
Susie’s book: www.listenlearnlovebook.com