Better Relationship Podcast Episode #002:
The Secret to Maximizing Time with Your Wife & Kids.
Nick Pavlidis, of ATerribleHusband.com, shares his journey of waking up on a lumpy couch once too often, as well as some practical steps to intentionally engage in creating a better marriage. PLUS this lawyer by day and entrepreneur by night reveals his secret to maximize the amount and value of time spent with your wife and kids!
An encounter with Dan and Joanne Miller, brought about some life changing realizations, “I am a terrible husband,” and making money and climbing the career ladder have a hefty price tag: his marriage and family!
- From humble and heavy metal beginnings to 10 years as a high powered litigator – The successful, rare air breathing kind of lawyers you see in movies.
- Loved his work and was focused on achieving success for a noble goal
- Work Nick: WOW! but Home Nick: Nadda as he used all his good energy on day job
- Lawyer with a heart- loved his job, cared about his clients -when he saw a need and he wanted to help
The Wake Up Call:
- Attended Coaching With Excellence, Dan and Joanne Miller, and realized he had been coaching for a while just didn’t call it coaching.
- Life-changing event as he observed Dan and Joanne and knew they shared something his marriage lacked.
- Drew a line in the sand! Going to change my marriage and model it after theirs and the connection, respect and love he observed.
Time of Reflection, Observation, and Evaluation
- Realized structured and “on” all day, and then low key, fun dad, and disengaged husband at night.
- Way too many nights on the lumpy couch- glued to his laptop working, writing, or surfing Social Media, not present to his wife, restless & distracted.
- Tension and laziness led to falling and staying asleep on a lumpy couch.
Confessions and Changes:
- Committed to being with kids, so doing late podcast boundaries.
- Changed jobs with some clear boundaries on the front end.
- Became intentional about spending time with his wife and really listening to her.
- SPEND time on things that matter more, connection is more important than financial abundance.
- Worked on his communication skills
The secret is “Batch it!”
- Increased his efficiency and creative productivity in the time allotted
- Batching meant expending less energy – so he has more energy wife and kids (the secret in action)
- Batching helped him be aware of what was necessary and what he could let go
One piece of advice to your younger self:
“There is more value in the way you go about things. Be aware of your tone, the negative energy in the scoffing, sighing, and sarcasm. So learn to communicate better.”
Coaching Question for Susie:
Question sent from his listeners: “What happens when my husband doesn’t respond to any of my suggestions and views them as well as my kind words as an attack? Can you help me communicate better with her husband?”
Few thoughts from Susie: Second toughest time in a marriage is between 24-28 yrs, it is normal to struggle at this point. Relearn each other, and fall in love again.
A few tips for communication and connection:
- When you feel like you can’t say or do anything right, stand and do nothing. Be warm in your silence. Your relationship is bigger than this fight, argument, or season.
- Ask him: I don’t know how to communicate well with you, how can I do it better? Where are you, what are you feeling about our relationship? Ask questions that allow him to share what is below the surface.
- A few creative ways to connect.
- Be willing to ask, “Are you okay?” Tell him, “I am here for you.”
- Ask Open ended questions
Connect with Nick at: ATerribleHusband.com
Book: Confessions of a Terrible Husband: Lessons Learned from a Lumpy Couch – release date June 20th
Available for presale with some GREAT Bonuses: ATerribleHusband.com/book
TheMarriageMastermind.com A group of people focused on improving their relationships by sharing experiences, learning together and taking personal responsibility for their marriage and parenting.
Dan Miller, Coaching With Excellence
Joanne Miller: Be Your Finest Art
Susie’s bestselling book: Listen, Learn, Love: How to Dramatically Improve Your Relationships in 30 Days or Less!